what is it about spring?

I adore Spring. Team Spring for life. 

But man, Spring loves throwing me for a doozy every. single. year. 

Maybe it is just being in my early 20's. Maybe it's because I went straight to grad school. 

Who knows.

Spring 2015: waiting to hear back from grad schools, insecure, living back at home, trying to figure out what my next steps would be, enjoying family time, making some money, etc.

Spring 2016: friend drama, tough classes and my first clinical placement, feeling unsure if I can do this whole speech thing, making great new friends, loving Portland, etc. 

Spring 2017: no classes only work, friends leave and friends stay, took on more volunteer roles, studied for comps, passed comps, applying to all the jobs, unsure of my next steps, etc. 

Somehow springtime always feels like this giant cliff edge. Come May there is the opportunity to jump off and skip to the next ledge or stay where you are and set up camp. This is where I'm at right now. 

I'm desperately trying to stop and listen to God because I know He always delivers. But my silly type-A personality always wants me to push harder, apply to more, be better, etc. I don't want to live a life based off of fear. So each day is a fun adventure in giving it up, handing it over to God, and sitting patiently. Then repeat the whole phase again because I wake up back in my anxious state. 

I don't know why I'm writing all this. I haven't written a post since February. I think this platform has always been a good mirror for me. Kind of a, "see Allie! Look how worried you were." 

Because here's the thing. I KNOW come sometime soon I will look back on this and laugh. I KNOW there's a plan. I KNOW I am in trusted hands. 

Oh Spring, you beautiful, flower filled season of uncertainty. Never change.