Let's Talk:: Following the Rules

I was reading Carly's blog on The Supposed Tos and it really got me thinking. So this is 
my response, in a way. 

In middle school I basically lived my life following the rules of what to do and what
definitely not to do. I came from a very small Catholic school to a large public school
in 7th grade (something I wouldn't wish on anyone) and had to stay afloat
one way or another so I chose blending in. Nothing special here,
avert your eyes and move on. But I was miserable.

In high school, after I met a few good friends and my confidence level was much higher,
I decided not to care about those "rules" anymore. I wore what I wanted, even if it was
a high waisted 1950's skirt or I looked like I was going to a business meeting after
algebra class, and ultimately acted more like myself. Throughout high school I was pretty much known as the girl who was pretty smart, took some AP's with a mix of regular, dressed differently from the rest, and knew what I wanted out of life (to become a Speech Therapist and attend
the University of Oregon. Weird how things change a little bit). 

While I looked like I had it all together, my mom and my mind would say otherwise.
My junior year I had a breakdown over overcommitting myself and worrying about
college and was honestly depressed and then my senior year I realized I may not
be as book smart as I originally thought and my mom was the one who had to hear all about it. (Emphasis on the "book smart" becauseI honestly believe being smart has nothing
 to do with whether or not you can pass school tests sometimes). 

And my mind would say otherwise because all throughout school, 
while it looked like I was taking my own path and could care less that I've never
followed the rules per se of being a normal teenager, every single day my mind
would put thoughts into my head that I was doing it all wrong.

But what's wrong? Who decides these things? 
I always tell my sister to find that thing that makes you stand out a little bit
and grab hold of it. For me it was dressing up every day and pursuing things like giving back
that helped me stand out. I guess in the end, as long as you're happy 
you're doing it right
And aren't we all just trying to get it right?

You are brave and good. -Marisa de los Santos

1 comment:

lauren jean allece said...

This is seriously like looking ((reading?)) into a mirror... I think high school you and high school me would have gotten along famously! I was the same way - beat of my own drum, overextending myself and feeling like I was doing it wrong. I've read back over journal entries from junior and senior year and I'm amazed at how down on myself I really was. Don't you just wish you could go back and reassure yourself that it will all work out for the best? College though was the best thing that ever happened - you meet all of those amazing people who you look at and marvel, "Wait, you too? I thought I was the only one!" ((I love that quote, thank you CS Lewis!)) At some point you step up to the plate and realize you don't have to "fit", you don't have to apologize for being you. And the best part? We are loved by the One who was the ultimate "beat of his own drum" kind of guy!

You're amazing, Allie! Keep being you!